Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
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He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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