I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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