I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
this hospital has no fireball
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
