Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
