I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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