it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
