I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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