I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
