Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize