i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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