dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
