ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
