Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
