Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
