I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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