mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
