Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So squirting runs in the family.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
