All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
