This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
