spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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