Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
