Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
