So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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