I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
