mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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