i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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