i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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