I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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