Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
