if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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