I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
