the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
