Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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