are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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