farters have to be the big spoon...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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