oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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