i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
