i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
