did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
