she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
