On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
