This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
