Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
