hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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