ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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