My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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