You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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