Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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