I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
