You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize