you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
a search helicopter?!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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