Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
