I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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