so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
