you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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