Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
