Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
