Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
