my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
