Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
