did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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