She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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