Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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