Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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