my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
