He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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