My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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