im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
home. puking in laundry basket.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
