FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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