Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
