One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
