Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
